Welcome to Scary Good Writing™
Hi, I'm Vincent Courtney, author (Random House for Children, Kensington Publishing) and writing instructor. As the developer of this program, I’d like to take a moment to thank you for choosing this program and to instruct you on how to use it. In a classroom setting, switch to PC on the projector so the class can follow along. To start, click on Meet the Teacher in the toolbar to the right. Click on the audio player to begin. Follow along with the narration using your mouse or the up and down arrow keys until you reach the end of the introduction. Easy so far, right.
Now click on the appropriate lesson and then play the narrative track. Follow along with the narration until you reach the end of the lesson. Download either the print or electronic version of the exercise. Have students complete the exercise and then click on the lesson review audio player. Follow along. The lesson review covers the most common mistakes and addresses them accordingly. That's all there is to it. If you have any questions or problems, contact us. If not, let’s get started.
Now click on the appropriate lesson and then play the narrative track. Follow along with the narration until you reach the end of the lesson. Download either the print or electronic version of the exercise. Have students complete the exercise and then click on the lesson review audio player. Follow along. The lesson review covers the most common mistakes and addresses them accordingly. That's all there is to it. If you have any questions or problems, contact us. If not, let’s get started.
Meet the Teacher
Press PLAY, you dunderhead!
I have always liked my students – preferably with their mouths taped shut and their rear ends secured to their chairs with Elmer’s glue to keep them still. Oh, beg pardon. I haven’t introduced myself. My name was Mr. William Butterfield. I say “was” because I am now in the past tense. Bereft of life. Dearly departed. In a word, dead.
In the years BC (Before Corpse), I taught the craft of writing to students of all ages. Now, I must admit that I was, without doubt, the worst writing teacher in the world. My problem was quite simple. I couldn’t stand my students. I hated the little beasts like a picnicker hates ants. They were always chattering behind my back and putting frogs or rotten apples in my desk. One day, one of the them put the classroom’s pet iguana in my chair. From them on I became known as Iguana Butt Willie or Mr. Butt for short.
So I made it my mission to make their little lives miserable. Now, I easily could have taught them to write well. After all, writing is not brain surgery. Any student can learn to write well if they understand how writing works. However, since I didn’t like my students, I took special delight in teaching them all the wrong things. That way when they moved up to the next grade, their new teacher would think them to be a lot of ignorant little pimples. It’s no wonder flocks of my ex-students showed up at my funeral to make sure I was really dead.
The odd thing is I don’t feel dead. My brain is working just fine. I must admit the coffin is a bit cramped, but … Wait I hear digging. Someone is opening the lid of my coffin. Egads, the sun is bright. I see a man. He's rather chubby with a pug nose and pursed lips. He is wearing flip flops and a flowery muumuu. Don’t tell me. You’re a mad scientist whose brought me back to life, Dr, Frankensomething or other I suppose..
Norbert Gribble actually. I’m in charge here.
And just what are you in charge of, dear fellow? Shoveling practice? Tombstone polishing?
I’m afraid you're a bit confused. Look around you. You’re not in the graveyard anymore, Mr. Butt.
The name is Butterfield and… My word, you’re right. This looks like just like my old classroom.
But it isn’t. It’s a classroom at the Second Chance Schoolhouse. I'm the principal here.
Second Chance Schoolhouse?
Yes. You spent your life teaching children to write horribly. You did nothing to teach them how to write well. So now you have a second chance to make things right. You must create a writing course that hardwires the craft of writing into a writer’s brain -- automatically. If you don’t, it’s back to the grave for you.
Hardwires the craft of writing you say? I suppose I could do that. Yes, I know just what to do. I will use the oldest teacher known to man to teach writers how to write well – I will use the story. The story has been used for centuries by every culture to inform and entertain because, in many ways, stories are how we best remember.
Good. And to prove that your writing course works, I'm going to assign you a student, but not just any student. This student’s name is Bonefish Burrows. He is the man who buried you.
A common gravedigger is my first student?
Bonefish is anything but common. He is without doubt the worst writer in the world. Say hello to Mr. Butt, Bonefish.
Hello to Mr. Butt, Bonefish.
The name is Butterfield... -- oh never mind.
Bonefish here knows absolutely nothing about creating captivating prose.
In the years BC (Before Corpse), I taught the craft of writing to students of all ages. Now, I must admit that I was, without doubt, the worst writing teacher in the world. My problem was quite simple. I couldn’t stand my students. I hated the little beasts like a picnicker hates ants. They were always chattering behind my back and putting frogs or rotten apples in my desk. One day, one of the them put the classroom’s pet iguana in my chair. From them on I became known as Iguana Butt Willie or Mr. Butt for short.
So I made it my mission to make their little lives miserable. Now, I easily could have taught them to write well. After all, writing is not brain surgery. Any student can learn to write well if they understand how writing works. However, since I didn’t like my students, I took special delight in teaching them all the wrong things. That way when they moved up to the next grade, their new teacher would think them to be a lot of ignorant little pimples. It’s no wonder flocks of my ex-students showed up at my funeral to make sure I was really dead.
The odd thing is I don’t feel dead. My brain is working just fine. I must admit the coffin is a bit cramped, but … Wait I hear digging. Someone is opening the lid of my coffin. Egads, the sun is bright. I see a man. He's rather chubby with a pug nose and pursed lips. He is wearing flip flops and a flowery muumuu. Don’t tell me. You’re a mad scientist whose brought me back to life, Dr, Frankensomething or other I suppose..
Norbert Gribble actually. I’m in charge here.
And just what are you in charge of, dear fellow? Shoveling practice? Tombstone polishing?
I’m afraid you're a bit confused. Look around you. You’re not in the graveyard anymore, Mr. Butt.
The name is Butterfield and… My word, you’re right. This looks like just like my old classroom.
But it isn’t. It’s a classroom at the Second Chance Schoolhouse. I'm the principal here.
Second Chance Schoolhouse?
Yes. You spent your life teaching children to write horribly. You did nothing to teach them how to write well. So now you have a second chance to make things right. You must create a writing course that hardwires the craft of writing into a writer’s brain -- automatically. If you don’t, it’s back to the grave for you.
Hardwires the craft of writing you say? I suppose I could do that. Yes, I know just what to do. I will use the oldest teacher known to man to teach writers how to write well – I will use the story. The story has been used for centuries by every culture to inform and entertain because, in many ways, stories are how we best remember.
Good. And to prove that your writing course works, I'm going to assign you a student, but not just any student. This student’s name is Bonefish Burrows. He is the man who buried you.
A common gravedigger is my first student?
Bonefish is anything but common. He is without doubt the worst writer in the world. Say hello to Mr. Butt, Bonefish.
Hello to Mr. Butt, Bonefish.
The name is Butterfield... -- oh never mind.
Bonefish here knows absolutely nothing about creating captivating prose.
But I’ve always had a burning desire to create captivating prose. Creating captivating prose is what I’ve dreamed of doing since I was knee high to a tombstone. I tell you it is my destiny to create captivating prose. I just have one question.
What’s that, Bonefish? What’s captivating prose? |  |
Oh, dear, this is going to be harder that I thought.
Now, Mr. Butt, Bonefish may sound like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don’t be fooled, he really is an idiot.
To answer your question, Bonefish, captivating prose is writing that keeps a reader reading. And that is the main goal of Scary Good Writing: to keep a reader reading.
The main goal of Scary Good Writing is to keep a reader reading.
Right! And that is precisely what I am going to teach you. So, tell me what kind of books do you like?
Great big fat ones.
That’s wonderful. Reading is critical to becoming a Scary Good Writer. By reading lots and lots of prose from a variety of different writers, you will learn how good writing sounds, how the rhythm of it feels. You will learn how writers use words to create moods, make memorable characters, and paint pictures inside your head. In short, if you don’t read, you won’t be a Scary Good Writer. I’m certainly glad that you enjoy reading great big fat books.
Oh, I don’t read them. I use them to hold the door of the funeral parlor open when I move a body from the morgue wagon to the embalming room.
Then perhaps I should find another student…
No, no, I promise I’ll start reading lots of books. I want to be a great writer more than anything else in the world.
Now, Mr. Butt, Bonefish may sound like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don’t be fooled, he really is an idiot.
To answer your question, Bonefish, captivating prose is writing that keeps a reader reading. And that is the main goal of Scary Good Writing: to keep a reader reading.
The main goal of Scary Good Writing is to keep a reader reading.
Right! And that is precisely what I am going to teach you. So, tell me what kind of books do you like?
Great big fat ones.
That’s wonderful. Reading is critical to becoming a Scary Good Writer. By reading lots and lots of prose from a variety of different writers, you will learn how good writing sounds, how the rhythm of it feels. You will learn how writers use words to create moods, make memorable characters, and paint pictures inside your head. In short, if you don’t read, you won’t be a Scary Good Writer. I’m certainly glad that you enjoy reading great big fat books.
Oh, I don’t read them. I use them to hold the door of the funeral parlor open when I move a body from the morgue wagon to the embalming room.
Then perhaps I should find another student…
No, no, I promise I’ll start reading lots of books. I want to be a great writer more than anything else in the world.
Very well, then let’s get started.
Remember, Mr. Butt, you must teach Bonefish to write well or it’s back the grave for you.
I remember, Gribble, and don’t worry; I’ll either teach Bonefish to become a Scary Good Writer or die trying.
But you’re already dead.
Oh right. Then I’ll either teach Bonefish to become a Scary Good Writer or he’ll die trying.
That's right. Mr. Butt will either teach me to become a Scary Good Writer or I'll die... Hey, wait a minute...
So be it. You either teach Bonefish to become a Scary Good Writer or you return to the grave and Bonefish dies.
But I’m too young to die so young. I haven’t even seen the last Harry Potter movie.
And I don’t relish returning to that cold box in the ground. I’m sure the worms will be showing up soon and I hate being eaten by worms. It tickles.
I guess we both have a lot to lose then.
Yes, so let’s get started making you into a Scary Good Writer.
Remember, Mr. Butt, you must teach Bonefish to write well or it’s back the grave for you.
I remember, Gribble, and don’t worry; I’ll either teach Bonefish to become a Scary Good Writer or die trying.
But you’re already dead.
Oh right. Then I’ll either teach Bonefish to become a Scary Good Writer or he’ll die trying.
So be it. You either teach Bonefish to become a Scary Good Writer or you return to the grave and Bonefish dies.
But I’m too young to die so young. I haven’t even seen the last Harry Potter movie.
And I don’t relish returning to that cold box in the ground. I’m sure the worms will be showing up soon and I hate being eaten by worms. It tickles.
I guess we both have a lot to lose then.
Yes, so let’s get started making you into a Scary Good Writer.
