Scary Good Tool 13: Revision
Revision is all about cutting.
Now we come to the most important part of writing and that is revision or rewriting. Revising means going over each line of your draft and looking for ways to improve it. A writer’s first draft can always be improved by using the tools you learned to create Scary Good Writing. Let me recap them for you.
“The Last Thing You Feel” Use sensory words to arouse a reader’s senses and let them see, hear, smell, touch and taste your story.
“You are What You Read” Pick just the right adjectives to fit the mood and purpose of your stories
“Eek!” Use interjections to show excitement or emotion.
“A Tale of Two Maggots” Use adverbs to tell more about verbs, but only when absolutely necessary. Also spot Noisy-Know-Nothings and correct them by using sound effects as action verbs.
“The Third Thing” Use metaphors and similes to compare two things and infuse your writing with originality.
“Blind Ben” Make movies of the mind by showing characters in action to keep a story moving.
“A Story to Sell” Use CPR (character with a problem they must resolve) to create interesting story ideas loaded with conflict.
“Hair Today. Gone Tonight” Make sure the wants of characters collide and you'll get plenty of conflict.
“Bookieman Will Get You” Come up with story ideas by asking the question, What if? Develop your story and stay nicely on topic by using the question: What happens next and why is it a problem?
"Gotcha” Start stories with grabbers that arouse curiosity and stir emotion to make a reader want to keep reading.
“Old What's His Name” Choose the right name for characters.
“The Strange Case of Dr. Jerkel and the Three Howies” Remember the three methods of characterizing: how a character looks, how he acts and how he thinks.
So, are we finished yet, Mr. Butt?
No, but that sounds like a good title for the final story.
“The Last Thing You Feel” Use sensory words to arouse a reader’s senses and let them see, hear, smell, touch and taste your story.
“You are What You Read” Pick just the right adjectives to fit the mood and purpose of your stories
“Eek!” Use interjections to show excitement or emotion.
“A Tale of Two Maggots” Use adverbs to tell more about verbs, but only when absolutely necessary. Also spot Noisy-Know-Nothings and correct them by using sound effects as action verbs.
“The Third Thing” Use metaphors and similes to compare two things and infuse your writing with originality.
“Blind Ben” Make movies of the mind by showing characters in action to keep a story moving.
“A Story to Sell” Use CPR (character with a problem they must resolve) to create interesting story ideas loaded with conflict.
“Hair Today. Gone Tonight” Make sure the wants of characters collide and you'll get plenty of conflict.
“Bookieman Will Get You” Come up with story ideas by asking the question, What if? Develop your story and stay nicely on topic by using the question: What happens next and why is it a problem?
"Gotcha” Start stories with grabbers that arouse curiosity and stir emotion to make a reader want to keep reading.
“Old What's His Name” Choose the right name for characters.
“The Strange Case of Dr. Jerkel and the Three Howies” Remember the three methods of characterizing: how a character looks, how he acts and how he thinks.
So, are we finished yet, Mr. Butt?
No, but that sounds like a good title for the final story.
Are We Finished Yet?
The hearse rattled down the rutted dirt road leading to the ancient castle on the hill. A freshly unearthed casket clanked in the back of the hearse.
“Are we there yet?” Kargosi said to his employer the infamous Dr. Frankenstein.
“Be patient, Kargosi,” the doctor said as he drove toward the castle where his laboratory was located. “We’re almost there.”
The hearse hit a pothole in the seldom-used road. The casket in the back bounced open.
Dr. Frankenstein looked in the rearview mirror and said, “Kargosi, will you tuck that hand back into the coffin, please? We might need that.”
Kargosi clucked his tongue and did as his employer asked.
Dr. Frankenstein steered the hearse into the castle’s garage. He and his assistant carried the coffin into the lab.
“Are we going to make a monster now, Doctor?”
“Be patient, Kargosi. Patience is a virtue.”
“Patience makes my butt itch,” Kargosi snorted.
Dr. Frankenstein laid the body on the table. “The first thing we need to do is give this fellow a new set of eyes. Kargosi, hand me that jar of eagle eyes, please.”
Kargosi grabbed the jar off the shelf and handed it to his employer. The doctor inserted the eyes into the empty sockets. “Now, he will be able to see sharper than any human being alive.”
“Are we finished yet?” Kargosi asked, rolling his eyes.
“Not yet, he must have a nose now, but not just any nose. He must have a magnificent sniffer. Kargosi, hand me the elephant trunk from that package.”
Kargosi opened the container, picked up the trunk and handed it to Dr. Frankenstein who attached it to the creature. “Now he has a wonderful nose that can smell and pick up his dirty laundry.”
“Are we finished yet?” Kargosi asked, huffing.
“Not yet, we must cover every detail. We must give him spectacular teeth. Give me the jaws of the lion from that large container on the shelf.”
Kargosi gave the jaws to his employer. Dr. Frankenstein inserted them into the mouth of the monster. "With these sharp teeth, he will be able to eat steak without dirtying a knife. Imagine how much money he will save over a year on dishwashing liquid."
“Are we finished yet?”
“Not yet, we must attach the electrodes to give him life.” Dr. Frankenstein attached the electrodes to the creature. He ran up the stairs to the control panel and threw the switch. The machinery hummed and crackled with sparks. Smoke swirled from the ends of the electrodes.
“Life!” Dr. Frankenstein shouted. “Give my magnificent creature - life!”
He shut off the sparking machinery and ran down the stairs to join his assistant at the table.
“Are we finished yet?” Kargosi asked.
The hideous monster rose from the table and stared at the assistant with his eagle eyes. His stomach growled with hunger. He sniffed him with his trunk and smiled revealing his sharp lion’s teeth.
“Yes, Kargosi, you annoying pain in the gluteus maximus, you’re finished,” Dr. Frankenstein said as the monster pounced.
“Are we there yet?” Kargosi said to his employer the infamous Dr. Frankenstein.
“Be patient, Kargosi,” the doctor said as he drove toward the castle where his laboratory was located. “We’re almost there.”
The hearse hit a pothole in the seldom-used road. The casket in the back bounced open.
Dr. Frankenstein looked in the rearview mirror and said, “Kargosi, will you tuck that hand back into the coffin, please? We might need that.”
Kargosi clucked his tongue and did as his employer asked.
Dr. Frankenstein steered the hearse into the castle’s garage. He and his assistant carried the coffin into the lab.
“Are we going to make a monster now, Doctor?”
“Be patient, Kargosi. Patience is a virtue.”
“Patience makes my butt itch,” Kargosi snorted.
Dr. Frankenstein laid the body on the table. “The first thing we need to do is give this fellow a new set of eyes. Kargosi, hand me that jar of eagle eyes, please.”
Kargosi grabbed the jar off the shelf and handed it to his employer. The doctor inserted the eyes into the empty sockets. “Now, he will be able to see sharper than any human being alive.”
“Are we finished yet?” Kargosi asked, rolling his eyes.
“Not yet, he must have a nose now, but not just any nose. He must have a magnificent sniffer. Kargosi, hand me the elephant trunk from that package.”
Kargosi opened the container, picked up the trunk and handed it to Dr. Frankenstein who attached it to the creature. “Now he has a wonderful nose that can smell and pick up his dirty laundry.”
“Are we finished yet?” Kargosi asked, huffing.
“Not yet, we must cover every detail. We must give him spectacular teeth. Give me the jaws of the lion from that large container on the shelf.”
Kargosi gave the jaws to his employer. Dr. Frankenstein inserted them into the mouth of the monster. "With these sharp teeth, he will be able to eat steak without dirtying a knife. Imagine how much money he will save over a year on dishwashing liquid."
“Are we finished yet?”
“Not yet, we must attach the electrodes to give him life.” Dr. Frankenstein attached the electrodes to the creature. He ran up the stairs to the control panel and threw the switch. The machinery hummed and crackled with sparks. Smoke swirled from the ends of the electrodes.
“Life!” Dr. Frankenstein shouted. “Give my magnificent creature - life!”
He shut off the sparking machinery and ran down the stairs to join his assistant at the table.
“Are we finished yet?” Kargosi asked.
The hideous monster rose from the table and stared at the assistant with his eagle eyes. His stomach growled with hunger. He sniffed him with his trunk and smiled revealing his sharp lion’s teeth.
“Yes, Kargosi, you annoying pain in the gluteus maximus, you’re finished,” Dr. Frankenstein said as the monster pounced.
So what did you learn from our final story, Bonefish?
I learned that if you give a monster the teeth of a lion, you better give him the appetite of a hummingbird.
Actually the point of the story is that you should always try to improve your work; whether you’re making a monster or writing a story.
But aren’t you done writing a story once you finish it the first time?
No, all Scary Good Writers edit. Editing is an absolute must for creating Scary Good Writing. Here’s a lesson so you can see how editing improves a rough draft.
I learned that if you give a monster the teeth of a lion, you better give him the appetite of a hummingbird.
Actually the point of the story is that you should always try to improve your work; whether you’re making a monster or writing a story.
But aren’t you done writing a story once you finish it the first time?
No, all Scary Good Writers edit. Editing is an absolute must for creating Scary Good Writing. Here’s a lesson so you can see how editing improves a rough draft.
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Lesson Review
Starting with the first sentence, Bonefish, how did you improve it?
In that first sentence, I deleted the adjectives "scary" and “eerie” and kept “ghostly” to describe “pall” because pall means pale and ghosts are pale. And I took out “snoring” because it means close to the same thing as “sleeping” and it sounds more funny than scary.
The full moon cast a scary eerie ghostly pall over the snoring sleeping town of Mizell.
Excellent.
In the next sentence, I took out "rolled" because "rattled" and "creaked" are “I hear” words that make different sounds.
A ramshackle revival wagon rattled rolled and creaked into town.
And did you change the next sentence? “The tumbledown wagon was being sat upon by a black preacher.”
Yes, it's written in passive voice so I changed it to:
The black preacher sat upon the tumbledown wagon.
And just how do you know about passive voice, Bonefish?
Don’t you remember, Mr. Butt? You told me you forgot to put in a lesson about passive voice and for me to mention it right now.
Oh, uh, right. Anyway, verbs are said to be either active voice (The black preacher sat upon the wagon) or passive voice (The wagon was being sat upon by the black preacher.) In active voice, the subject and verb relationship is clear-cut: the subject is the be-er or the doer and the verb drives the sentence.
Like - the preacher sat.
Correct, Bonefish.
So what's the relationship between subject and verb in passive voice?
In passive voice, the subject of the sentence is neither a doer or a be-er, but is acted upon by something else such as:
The wagon was being sat upon by the preacher.
But passive voice isn't wrong grammar wise, is it, Mr. Butt.
No, it just sounds so weak. Take the following sentence:
Dr. Helzink was stunned by the speed of the ghoul.
It sounds weak because the ghoul’s speed is the subject of the sentence, not Dr. Helzink. Change it for me.
The speed of the ghoul stunned Dr. Helzink.
Much better. An easy way to spot passive voice is look for a form of the verb "to be" + a past participle such the sheep was being chased by the wolf or the speech was approved by the president.
I’ll make them active voice:
The wolf chased the sheep.
The president approved the speech.
Excellent, Bonefish.
Is there a proper time to use passive voice?
It’s quite alright to use passive voice when you don’t know who performed an action such as:
My money was stolen.
The busy man was being watched.
The expression “by someone unknown” is implied and since you don’t know the acting noun, you can’t stick that unknown someone at the beginning of the sentence.
Got it.
Now, let’s get on with revision.
In the next sentence, I took out “and was white” because it's repetitive.
The preacher’s long white hair resembled the regal mane of a lion and was white.
Looking for repetitive words is a good way of tightening your writing.
In the next sentence, I took out “sparkling” in front of moonlight because it was repetitive and I left the next sentence as it was.
His clothes were showy, particularly a sparkling velvet coat that caught the sparkling moonlight in such a way as to seem alive. He wore shiny black shoes that never left his feet.
What did you revise next?
I deleted “because his shoes never left his feet” because it repeated old information. Folks whispered that no one had ever seen him with his shoes off and lived to tell about it because his shoes never left his feet.
Make sure you need every word you write. Next?
I deleted "the scary preacher" because the description in the previous paragraph makes it clear that he’s scary.
Reverend Clovehoof, the scary preacher, had come to town to collect a soul.
You're learning, Bonefish. What is your next revision?
The next sentence I left alone. The following sentence I deleted "quickly" because she jumped out of bed. I took out "with her eyes" because you can't peek with anything but your eyes. And in the last sentence I deleted "tumbledown" because I used it before and the adjective rickety is equally visual.
It was just after midnight when little Sarah Yulee heard the creaking of the ramshackle wagon outside her house. She jumped quickly out of bed and peeked with her eyes out her window. She saw the preacher in the shimmering coat sitting on the seat of the rickety tumbledown wagon.
What about the next line?
I deleted “quick” before action because we already know quickly clapping your hand over your mouth is a quick action.
Sarah gasped then quickly clapped her hand over her mouth, but her quick action was too late.
And what did you notice about the next sentence?
The girl was heard by Rev. Clovehoof.
It's written in passive voice. Rev. Clovehoof is the subject of the sentence; he's the one doing the hearing, not the little girl. So I changed it to active voice:
Reverend Clovehoof heard her.
Very good. Next.
The next two sentences were easy. For the first one, I deleted “hungry” since the owl is the one that's hungry not the mouse. And from the next line, I took out "angrily" because glaring is an angry action.
He swiveled his head like a starving owl when it hears a hungry mouse. With the shiny eyes of a beast, the reverend glared angrilyat Sarah.
Excellent. And how about the rest of the paragraph?
In the next sentence, I took out “wide” because it means the same thing as “broad” to describe his “grin.” I changed “chocolate ice cream colored cheeks” to “dark brown cheeks” because “chocolate ice cream” doesn't fit the scary mood. I took out "pointed" because it means the same thing as "sharp." And I took out the final line about red wolves living in Florida, etc. because it doesn't have anything to do with the story.
A broad wide grin crawled across his chocolate ice cream colored cheeks. His sharp pointed white teeth were those of a red wolf. Red wolves lived in Florida and Sarah had seen one a few days ago.
Sometimes, taking things out of a story makes it better. Next?
The next sentence, I changed "went quickly" to "darted" because it's an action verb that replaces a weaker verb helped by an adverb. I did the same thing when I changed “went quickly” to “dove under her bed.” I left the next three sentences alone and deleted the final sentence because it had nothing to do with the story. Who cares if her mother went to the store?
Scared out of her wits, Sarah went quickly darted from the window and rapidly went dove under her bed. A minute passed. She held her breath listening as the wagon moved away from the house. She sighed. And then she heard the front door open. She wondered if her mother had come home from the grocery store, but remembered that it was the middle of the night.
What did you revise next?
I left the next two sentences alone.
And the next paragraph.
The next paragraph, I took out "odd" because odd and strange mean the same thing. I took out "Sarah liked having her own room" because it doesn't matter. And I took out the final "slowly" since we already know how the door opened.
Sarah heard strange odd sounding footsteps coming down the hallway toward her room. Sarah liked having her own room. Clip clop. Clip clop. The doorknob to her room rattled and shook. Slowly, ever so slowly, the door opened slowly
Keep going, Bonefish.
I will. I left the next sentence alone. I kept the two “clip clop's.” I got rid of "shut" because closing your eyes means shutting them. I took out "shadowy" and "scary" because they were repetitive.
The dreadful preacher came into her room. Clip clop. Clip clop. Sarah closed her eyes shut and held her breath. In the dark shadowy shadows, she saw one of his feet land on the hardwood floor. Clop. Sarah’s throat clutched. The scary reverend had the scary hooves of a goat.
Almost done.
In the next-to-the-last paragraph, I made one change. I took out "faintly" because it was unnecessary. In the final paragraph, I deleted “quiet” because a quiet room cannot fall silent. And I deleted "brand-new" because it doesn't pertain to the story.
Just then, she heard him moving away from the bed. Dare she believe that he was leaving? The footsteps grew faintly fainter. She swallowed hard and waited.
The quiet room fell silent. She didn’t hear him at all. She slid out from under the brand-new bed – and he was Right there!
So, how did I do, Mr. Butt?
Marvelously well, Bonefish. Allow me to read your revised version of the example to see just how much revision made your story so much better.
The full moon cast a ghostly pall over the sleeping town of Mizell. A ramshackle revival wagon rattled and creaked into town. A black preacher sat upon the tumbledown wagon. The preacher’s long white hair resembled the regal mane of a lion. His clothes were showy, particularly a sparkling velvet coat that caught the moonlight in such a way as to seem alive. He wore shiny black shoes that never left his feet. Folks whispered that no one had ever seen him with his shoes off and lived to tell about it.
Reverend Clovehoof had come to town to collect a soul.
My money was stolen.
The busy man was being watched.
The expression “by someone unknown” is implied and since you don’t know the acting noun, you can’t stick that unknown someone at the beginning of the sentence.
Got it.
Now, let’s get on with revision.
In the next sentence, I took out “and was white” because it's repetitive.
The preacher’s long white hair resembled the regal mane of a lion and was white.
Looking for repetitive words is a good way of tightening your writing.
In the next sentence, I took out “sparkling” in front of moonlight because it was repetitive and I left the next sentence as it was.
His clothes were showy, particularly a sparkling velvet coat that caught the sparkling moonlight in such a way as to seem alive. He wore shiny black shoes that never left his feet.
What did you revise next?
I deleted “because his shoes never left his feet” because it repeated old information. Folks whispered that no one had ever seen him with his shoes off and lived to tell about it because his shoes never left his feet.
Make sure you need every word you write. Next?
I deleted "the scary preacher" because the description in the previous paragraph makes it clear that he’s scary.
Reverend Clovehoof, the scary preacher, had come to town to collect a soul.
You're learning, Bonefish. What is your next revision?
The next sentence I left alone. The following sentence I deleted "quickly" because she jumped out of bed. I took out "with her eyes" because you can't peek with anything but your eyes. And in the last sentence I deleted "tumbledown" because I used it before and the adjective rickety is equally visual.
It was just after midnight when little Sarah Yulee heard the creaking of the ramshackle wagon outside her house. She jumped quickly out of bed and peeked with her eyes out her window. She saw the preacher in the shimmering coat sitting on the seat of the rickety tumbledown wagon.
What about the next line?
I deleted “quick” before action because we already know quickly clapping your hand over your mouth is a quick action.
Sarah gasped then quickly clapped her hand over her mouth, but her quick action was too late.
And what did you notice about the next sentence?
The girl was heard by Rev. Clovehoof.
It's written in passive voice. Rev. Clovehoof is the subject of the sentence; he's the one doing the hearing, not the little girl. So I changed it to active voice:
Reverend Clovehoof heard her.
Very good. Next.
The next two sentences were easy. For the first one, I deleted “hungry” since the owl is the one that's hungry not the mouse. And from the next line, I took out "angrily" because glaring is an angry action.
He swiveled his head like a starving owl when it hears a hungry mouse. With the shiny eyes of a beast, the reverend glared angrilyat Sarah.
Excellent. And how about the rest of the paragraph?
In the next sentence, I took out “wide” because it means the same thing as “broad” to describe his “grin.” I changed “chocolate ice cream colored cheeks” to “dark brown cheeks” because “chocolate ice cream” doesn't fit the scary mood. I took out "pointed" because it means the same thing as "sharp." And I took out the final line about red wolves living in Florida, etc. because it doesn't have anything to do with the story.
A broad wide grin crawled across his chocolate ice cream colored cheeks. His sharp pointed white teeth were those of a red wolf. Red wolves lived in Florida and Sarah had seen one a few days ago.
Sometimes, taking things out of a story makes it better. Next?
The next sentence, I changed "went quickly" to "darted" because it's an action verb that replaces a weaker verb helped by an adverb. I did the same thing when I changed “went quickly” to “dove under her bed.” I left the next three sentences alone and deleted the final sentence because it had nothing to do with the story. Who cares if her mother went to the store?
Scared out of her wits, Sarah went quickly darted from the window and rapidly went dove under her bed. A minute passed. She held her breath listening as the wagon moved away from the house. She sighed. And then she heard the front door open. She wondered if her mother had come home from the grocery store, but remembered that it was the middle of the night.
What did you revise next?
I left the next two sentences alone.
And the next paragraph.
The next paragraph, I took out "odd" because odd and strange mean the same thing. I took out "Sarah liked having her own room" because it doesn't matter. And I took out the final "slowly" since we already know how the door opened.
Sarah heard strange odd sounding footsteps coming down the hallway toward her room. Sarah liked having her own room. Clip clop. Clip clop. The doorknob to her room rattled and shook. Slowly, ever so slowly, the door opened slowly
Keep going, Bonefish.
I will. I left the next sentence alone. I kept the two “clip clop's.” I got rid of "shut" because closing your eyes means shutting them. I took out "shadowy" and "scary" because they were repetitive.
The dreadful preacher came into her room. Clip clop. Clip clop. Sarah closed her eyes shut and held her breath. In the dark shadowy shadows, she saw one of his feet land on the hardwood floor. Clop. Sarah’s throat clutched. The scary reverend had the scary hooves of a goat.
Almost done.
In the next-to-the-last paragraph, I made one change. I took out "faintly" because it was unnecessary. In the final paragraph, I deleted “quiet” because a quiet room cannot fall silent. And I deleted "brand-new" because it doesn't pertain to the story.
Just then, she heard him moving away from the bed. Dare she believe that he was leaving? The footsteps grew faintly fainter. She swallowed hard and waited.
The quiet room fell silent. She didn’t hear him at all. She slid out from under the brand-new bed – and he was Right there!
So, how did I do, Mr. Butt?
Marvelously well, Bonefish. Allow me to read your revised version of the example to see just how much revision made your story so much better.
The full moon cast a ghostly pall over the sleeping town of Mizell. A ramshackle revival wagon rattled and creaked into town. A black preacher sat upon the tumbledown wagon. The preacher’s long white hair resembled the regal mane of a lion. His clothes were showy, particularly a sparkling velvet coat that caught the moonlight in such a way as to seem alive. He wore shiny black shoes that never left his feet. Folks whispered that no one had ever seen him with his shoes off and lived to tell about it.
Reverend Clovehoof had come to town to collect a soul.
It was just after midnight when little Sarah Yulee heard the creaking of the ramshackle wagon outside her home. She jumped out of bed and peeked out her window. She saw the preacher in the shimmering coat sitting on the seat of the rickety wagon.
Sarah gasped then quickly clapped her hand over her mouth, but her action was too late. Reverend Clovehoof heard her. He swiveled his head like a starving owl when it hears a mouse. With the shiny eyes of a beast, the reverend glared at Sarah. A broad grin crawled across his dark brown cheeks. His sharp white teeth were those of a red wolf.
Scared out of her wits, Sarah darted from the window and dove under her bed. A minute passed. She held her breath listening as the wagon moved away from the house. She sighed. And then she heard the front door open.
Reverend Clovehoof stepped into her house and said in a chilling voice, “I best take off my muddy shoes.” He dropped them to the floor with a thump.
Sarah heard strange sounding footsteps coming down the hallway toward her room. Clip clop. Clip clop. The doorknob to her room rattled and shook. Slowly, ever so slowly, the door opened. The dreadful preacher came into her room. Clip clop. Clip clop. Sarah closed her eyes and held her breath. In the dark shadows, she saw one of his feet land on the hardwood floor. Clop. Sarah’s throat clutched. The scary reverend had the hooves of a goat.
Just then, she heard him moving away from the bed. Dare she believe that he was leaving? The footsteps grew fainter. She swallowed hard and waited. The room fell silent. She didn’t hear him at all. She slid out from under the bed – and he was Right there!
Jumping catfish, Mr. Butt. You were right. Revision made that story 10 times better than the first draft.
Of course, Bonefish. Every Scary Good Writer revises his text. You just have to remember that revision is an absolute must-do in the process of Scary Good Writing. Here’s a checklist of the most common mistakes to look for when revising your first draft.
· Spot telling and replace it with showing through action. It's action-in-the-moment if you can act it out and film it right then.
· Eliminate repetitive words to tighten your writing.
· Eliminate sentences that say the same thing in a different way.
· Use precise adjectives to bring your nouns to life.
· Use lively adjectives to set the tone and mood of your writing.
· Use colorful adjectives to add details to your description.
· Use sensory words to activate the senses.
· Look for passive voice and change it to active voice. Verbs are said to be either active voice (Bonefish wrote the story.) or passive voice (The story was written by Bonefish.) In active voice, the subject and verb relationship is clear-cut: the subject is the be-er or the doer and the verb drives the sentence. In passive voice, the subject of the sentence is neither a doer or a be-er, but is acted upon by something else such as "The unicorn was ridden by the goblin" instead of "The goblin rode the unicorn" which is active voice.
· Use strong action verbs to replace weak verb and adverbs ending in -ly combinations.
· If the verb is weak and you can't think of a stronger verb, add an adverb.
· Eliminate passages that have nothing to do with the story or subject.
Sarah gasped then quickly clapped her hand over her mouth, but her action was too late. Reverend Clovehoof heard her. He swiveled his head like a starving owl when it hears a mouse. With the shiny eyes of a beast, the reverend glared at Sarah. A broad grin crawled across his dark brown cheeks. His sharp white teeth were those of a red wolf.
Scared out of her wits, Sarah darted from the window and dove under her bed. A minute passed. She held her breath listening as the wagon moved away from the house. She sighed. And then she heard the front door open.
Reverend Clovehoof stepped into her house and said in a chilling voice, “I best take off my muddy shoes.” He dropped them to the floor with a thump.
Sarah heard strange sounding footsteps coming down the hallway toward her room. Clip clop. Clip clop. The doorknob to her room rattled and shook. Slowly, ever so slowly, the door opened. The dreadful preacher came into her room. Clip clop. Clip clop. Sarah closed her eyes and held her breath. In the dark shadows, she saw one of his feet land on the hardwood floor. Clop. Sarah’s throat clutched. The scary reverend had the hooves of a goat.
Just then, she heard him moving away from the bed. Dare she believe that he was leaving? The footsteps grew fainter. She swallowed hard and waited. The room fell silent. She didn’t hear him at all. She slid out from under the bed – and he was Right there!
Jumping catfish, Mr. Butt. You were right. Revision made that story 10 times better than the first draft.
Of course, Bonefish. Every Scary Good Writer revises his text. You just have to remember that revision is an absolute must-do in the process of Scary Good Writing. Here’s a checklist of the most common mistakes to look for when revising your first draft.
· Spot telling and replace it with showing through action. It's action-in-the-moment if you can act it out and film it right then.
· Eliminate repetitive words to tighten your writing.
· Eliminate sentences that say the same thing in a different way.
· Use precise adjectives to bring your nouns to life.
· Use lively adjectives to set the tone and mood of your writing.
· Use colorful adjectives to add details to your description.
· Use sensory words to activate the senses.
· Look for passive voice and change it to active voice. Verbs are said to be either active voice (Bonefish wrote the story.) or passive voice (The story was written by Bonefish.) In active voice, the subject and verb relationship is clear-cut: the subject is the be-er or the doer and the verb drives the sentence. In passive voice, the subject of the sentence is neither a doer or a be-er, but is acted upon by something else such as "The unicorn was ridden by the goblin" instead of "The goblin rode the unicorn" which is active voice.
· Use strong action verbs to replace weak verb and adverbs ending in -ly combinations.
· If the verb is weak and you can't think of a stronger verb, add an adverb.
· Eliminate passages that have nothing to do with the story or subject.
I'm ready to revise.
If you want to keep a reader reading, you must revise your writing to make it the best that it can be. It's as simple as that.
Precisely, Bonefish, and keeping a reader reading is the main goal of Scary Good Writing.
Double precisely, Mr. Butt.
Well, my caretaking friend, we finally come to the end of our Scary Good Writing lessons.
I feel sad.
Shame it has to end, isn't it?
Yes, but that’s not why I'm sad.
It's not?
Nope.
Then why are you sad?
Because I never did get that pizza you promised back in Lesson 5.
Oh, that's right, the pizza I promised. Well, Bonefish old fellow, let's go to Pizza Pete's right now and I’ll buy you the biggest pie in the place. You surely do deserve it.
I'll have mine with pepperoni, mushrooms and Fumunda cheese.
Fumunda cheese?
Yes, Fum undawear.
Don’t start eating just yet, gentlemen. You have a final exam to complete.
Gribble!
Precisely, Bonefish, and keeping a reader reading is the main goal of Scary Good Writing.
Double precisely, Mr. Butt.
Well, my caretaking friend, we finally come to the end of our Scary Good Writing lessons.
I feel sad.
Shame it has to end, isn't it?
Yes, but that’s not why I'm sad.
It's not?
Nope.
Then why are you sad?
Because I never did get that pizza you promised back in Lesson 5.
Oh, that's right, the pizza I promised. Well, Bonefish old fellow, let's go to Pizza Pete's right now and I’ll buy you the biggest pie in the place. You surely do deserve it.
I'll have mine with pepperoni, mushrooms and Fumunda cheese.
Fumunda cheese?
Yes, Fum undawear.
Don’t start eating just yet, gentlemen. You have a final exam to complete.
Gribble!
You were expecting Millard Filmore?
