Scary Good Tools 4 & 5:
Adverbs and Noisy-Know-Nothings
Our next lesson is a double whammy in which we learn about adverbs and Noisy-Know-Nothings. Adverbs tell more about verbs. They tell how, when, or where an action takes place.
And what are Noisy-Know-Nothings?
You'll find out more about them and adverbs in our next story.
You'll find out more about them and adverbs in our next story.
A Tale of Two Maggots.
Edgar and Allan Poe sat inside the brain of a dead cat. The two maggots were bored. There wasn't much for two maggots to do inside the brain of a dead cat except eat and wait to turn into a fly.
“I've been thinking," Edgar said.
“That's not surprising," Allan said. “You're eating brain food.”
“You know what I'm going to do?" Edgar said.
His brother looked at him and said, "What are you going to do, Edgar?"
“I'm going to write a story."
Allan nodded. "Sounds like a good idea to me. I'll write one as well.”
Edgar found a sharp piece of bone and snapped it in half. He handed one half to his brother.
“What’s this for?” Allan asked.
“Dip it in that green stuff over there and write with it.”
“Write on what?"
Edgar handed his brother a piece of dried skin. The two maggots started scribbling on the makeshift parchment. Every so often, Edgar would pause to take a bite of medulla oblongata. His brother Allan giggled as he wrote his story.
“Done," Edgar said.
“Done," Allan said.
“Let me see what you have done," Edgar said.
"Let me see what you have done," Allan said.
They swapped the dried skin parchment.
Edgar read Allan's story aloud. “There once was a pretty maggot named Little Red Riding Worm. One day, Little Red Riding Worm decisively decided to visit her grandmother. She packed a gallbladder in her basket and dashed speedily down the trail. A hungry mockingbird jumped bouncily onto her path. He screeched loudly, “Hello, Little Red Riding Worm, I've come to eat you…”
“I've been thinking," Edgar said.
“That's not surprising," Allan said. “You're eating brain food.”
“You know what I'm going to do?" Edgar said.
His brother looked at him and said, "What are you going to do, Edgar?"
“I'm going to write a story."
Allan nodded. "Sounds like a good idea to me. I'll write one as well.”
Edgar found a sharp piece of bone and snapped it in half. He handed one half to his brother.
“What’s this for?” Allan asked.
“Dip it in that green stuff over there and write with it.”
“Write on what?"
Edgar handed his brother a piece of dried skin. The two maggots started scribbling on the makeshift parchment. Every so often, Edgar would pause to take a bite of medulla oblongata. His brother Allan giggled as he wrote his story.
“Done," Edgar said.
“Done," Allan said.
“Let me see what you have done," Edgar said.
"Let me see what you have done," Allan said.
They swapped the dried skin parchment.
Edgar read Allan's story aloud. “There once was a pretty maggot named Little Red Riding Worm. One day, Little Red Riding Worm decisively decided to visit her grandmother. She packed a gallbladder in her basket and dashed speedily down the trail. A hungry mockingbird jumped bouncily onto her path. He screeched loudly, “Hello, Little Red Riding Worm, I've come to eat you…”
Edgar stopped reading and stared at his brother.
“What's wrong? I was enjoying it."
"You have too many adverbs ending in –ly that you don't need. You need the first adverb ‘once’ to tell when the action takes place. But the second one ‘decisively’ isn't needed. You don't need decisively to describe how he is deciding. Deciding is decisive. And you wrote that she ‘dashed speedily’ down the trail. You don’t need speedily to help explain how she dashed. Dashing is speedy."
"I suppose something's wrong with mockingbird jumping bouncily?"
"Of course there is. Jumping is a bouncy movement. You don't need the adverb bouncily to help the verb jump. Jumping stands on its own."
"So I guess screeching loudly is wrong?”
“Not wrong, just not needed. Screeching is loud. You don't need the adverb loudly to tell more about the verb screech. Listen, I’ll read it without the adverbs ending in -ly.”
He looked down at the parchment. “There once was a pretty maggot named Little Red Riding Worm. One day, Little Red Riding Worm decided to visit her grandmother. She packed a gallbladder in her basket and dashed down the trail. A hungry mockingbird jumped onto her path. He screeched, “Hello Little Red Riding Worm, I've come to eat you.”
Edgar stopped and looked at his brother Allan. “Well?”
“I have to admit that sounds a lot better without the adverbs ending in -ly."
Edgar smiled smugly.
"Hold on, Edgar. You know so much. Let me read your story."
Allan began to read, “Splash. I cried out in horror. I lifted my foot and stared at the bottom of my shoe. Snarl. I jumped backwards and tripped over the dog’s chew toy. Scratch, scratch. He crawled out from under the kitchen table. I knew I was in trouble."
Allan rolled his eyes, stopped reading and stared at his brother Edgar.
"What's with all the sound effects? I can’t figure out what's happening.”
“You wouldn't understand. I’m using onomatopoeia. It means words that sound like what they mean.”
“Well, I can’t get any meaning out of what you wrote. In your first sentence, I heard a splash, but know nothing about what made the noise. And then I hear a snarl and know nothing about what made the sound. And then something makes a scratching sound as it comes out from under the table, but I know nothing about what it is.”
“But I assumed you knew what I meant.”
“Never assume that the reader knows what you mean when you use onomatopoeia as a sound effect. Make it clear what is happening.”
“Okay, let me clear things up." He took the parchment back and rewrote the first paragraph. He read to himself. “Splash! I stepped in the yellow puddle and cried out in horror. ‘What did you do, Bowzer?’ Snarl. The big dog made a noise from under the kitchen table. I jumped back and tripped on his chew toy. Scratch, scratch. His toenails hit the floor as he…”
He stopped and reread the sound effects. “Wait a minute…”
He rewrote the sentences and handed his story back to Allan. “Read this.”
Allan read aloud, “I splashed in the yellow puddle and cried out in horror. ‘What did you do, Bowzer?’ The big dog snarled at me from under the kitchen table. I jumped back and tripped on a chew toy. His toenails scratched the floor as he crawled out from under the table. I knew I was in trouble.”
Allan looked up from the parchment and said, "Hey, what did you do? I can hear it and see it clearly, but you took away the sound effects."
“No, I didn't. I used them as verbs. They work better that way.”
Allan smiled.
"I guess we both learned something writing these stories."
Edgar smiled.
“Shall we finish them?”
“I don’t think we have time, Edgar. I feel my wings beginning to sprout.”
“Me, too, Allan.”
The two maggots changed into two flies. They flew out of the eye socket of the dead cat and headed for New York.
A year later, they wrote the bestselling children’s book, “Green Maggots and Ham.”
“What's wrong? I was enjoying it."
"You have too many adverbs ending in –ly that you don't need. You need the first adverb ‘once’ to tell when the action takes place. But the second one ‘decisively’ isn't needed. You don't need decisively to describe how he is deciding. Deciding is decisive. And you wrote that she ‘dashed speedily’ down the trail. You don’t need speedily to help explain how she dashed. Dashing is speedy."
"I suppose something's wrong with mockingbird jumping bouncily?"
"Of course there is. Jumping is a bouncy movement. You don't need the adverb bouncily to help the verb jump. Jumping stands on its own."
"So I guess screeching loudly is wrong?”
“Not wrong, just not needed. Screeching is loud. You don't need the adverb loudly to tell more about the verb screech. Listen, I’ll read it without the adverbs ending in -ly.”
He looked down at the parchment. “There once was a pretty maggot named Little Red Riding Worm. One day, Little Red Riding Worm decided to visit her grandmother. She packed a gallbladder in her basket and dashed down the trail. A hungry mockingbird jumped onto her path. He screeched, “Hello Little Red Riding Worm, I've come to eat you.”
Edgar stopped and looked at his brother Allan. “Well?”
“I have to admit that sounds a lot better without the adverbs ending in -ly."
Edgar smiled smugly.
"Hold on, Edgar. You know so much. Let me read your story."
Allan began to read, “Splash. I cried out in horror. I lifted my foot and stared at the bottom of my shoe. Snarl. I jumped backwards and tripped over the dog’s chew toy. Scratch, scratch. He crawled out from under the kitchen table. I knew I was in trouble."
Allan rolled his eyes, stopped reading and stared at his brother Edgar.
"What's with all the sound effects? I can’t figure out what's happening.”
“You wouldn't understand. I’m using onomatopoeia. It means words that sound like what they mean.”
“Well, I can’t get any meaning out of what you wrote. In your first sentence, I heard a splash, but know nothing about what made the noise. And then I hear a snarl and know nothing about what made the sound. And then something makes a scratching sound as it comes out from under the table, but I know nothing about what it is.”
“But I assumed you knew what I meant.”
“Never assume that the reader knows what you mean when you use onomatopoeia as a sound effect. Make it clear what is happening.”
“Okay, let me clear things up." He took the parchment back and rewrote the first paragraph. He read to himself. “Splash! I stepped in the yellow puddle and cried out in horror. ‘What did you do, Bowzer?’ Snarl. The big dog made a noise from under the kitchen table. I jumped back and tripped on his chew toy. Scratch, scratch. His toenails hit the floor as he…”
He stopped and reread the sound effects. “Wait a minute…”
He rewrote the sentences and handed his story back to Allan. “Read this.”
Allan read aloud, “I splashed in the yellow puddle and cried out in horror. ‘What did you do, Bowzer?’ The big dog snarled at me from under the kitchen table. I jumped back and tripped on a chew toy. His toenails scratched the floor as he crawled out from under the table. I knew I was in trouble.”
Allan looked up from the parchment and said, "Hey, what did you do? I can hear it and see it clearly, but you took away the sound effects."
“No, I didn't. I used them as verbs. They work better that way.”
Allan smiled.
"I guess we both learned something writing these stories."
Edgar smiled.
“Shall we finish them?”
“I don’t think we have time, Edgar. I feel my wings beginning to sprout.”
“Me, too, Allan.”
The two maggots changed into two flies. They flew out of the eye socket of the dead cat and headed for New York.
A year later, they wrote the bestselling children’s book, “Green Maggots and Ham.”
Well, what did you learn from that delightfully good yarn, Bonefish?
I'm sure you have a lesson to find out so let’s get to it.
I'm sure you have a lesson to find out so let’s get to it.
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Lesson Review
Okay, Bonefish. Let's check your answers. In the first example:
“Get away from there!” he shouted alarmingly.
Did you keep the adverb alarmingly?
Sure.
But shouting, “get away from there” with an exclamation point is alarming someone.
So I don't need alarmingly.
Correct. Number 2, did you take out the adverb pitifully?
No, I left it.
But a pleading broken-hearted girl is pitiful. You don’t need pitifully.
Good point.
In example 3, did you take out either or both of the adverbs ending in -ly?
I took out sadly and sorrowfully.
Let's read the sentence without either of those adverbs. “She looked at him and then smiled.” Doesn't quite mean the same thing, does it?
I see. How about she gazed sadly at him and then smiled. Or she gazed at him and then smiled sorrowfully,
Either one of those would work. Now what about:
The old man took the threat seriously.
I took out the adverb seriously.
The old man took the threat? Just where did he take this threat? Out to dinner at Arby’s?
Oh I see. The sentence doesn't make any sense without the adverb seriously to show how he took the threat. I’ll leave it.
I thought you might. How about the last example:
The Phantom of the Opera whispered quietly to the frightened girl.
I took out the adverb quietly because whispering is quiet.
That it is. Now, moving on to Lesson 5. What are your examples of eliminating verb/adverb combinations and replacing them with strong verbs?
For the first example, I wrote:
She quickly ate a giant bowl of ice cream.
Bonefish, you didn't eliminate the verb/adverb combination, you just switched it to an adverb/verb combination. Try again, but replace the combination with one strong action verb that means eating speedily.
Oh, I get it. Listen:
She gobbled a giant bowl of ice cream.
Gobbled means eating quickly. Good. Next?
He ran across the hot desert.
Good, but not great. How about:
He dashed across the hot desert.
He scurried across the hot desert.
How do you know so many different words that mean the same thing, Mr. Butt?
Have you ever heard of a thesaurus?
Sure, it’s a big lizard with a spiky tail.
“Get away from there!” he shouted alarmingly.
Did you keep the adverb alarmingly?
Sure.
But shouting, “get away from there” with an exclamation point is alarming someone.
So I don't need alarmingly.
Correct. Number 2, did you take out the adverb pitifully?
No, I left it.
But a pleading broken-hearted girl is pitiful. You don’t need pitifully.
Good point.
In example 3, did you take out either or both of the adverbs ending in -ly?
I took out sadly and sorrowfully.
Let's read the sentence without either of those adverbs. “She looked at him and then smiled.” Doesn't quite mean the same thing, does it?
I see. How about she gazed sadly at him and then smiled. Or she gazed at him and then smiled sorrowfully,
Either one of those would work. Now what about:
The old man took the threat seriously.
I took out the adverb seriously.
The old man took the threat? Just where did he take this threat? Out to dinner at Arby’s?
Oh I see. The sentence doesn't make any sense without the adverb seriously to show how he took the threat. I’ll leave it.
I thought you might. How about the last example:
The Phantom of the Opera whispered quietly to the frightened girl.
I took out the adverb quietly because whispering is quiet.
That it is. Now, moving on to Lesson 5. What are your examples of eliminating verb/adverb combinations and replacing them with strong verbs?
For the first example, I wrote:
She quickly ate a giant bowl of ice cream.
Bonefish, you didn't eliminate the verb/adverb combination, you just switched it to an adverb/verb combination. Try again, but replace the combination with one strong action verb that means eating speedily.
Oh, I get it. Listen:
She gobbled a giant bowl of ice cream.
Gobbled means eating quickly. Good. Next?
He ran across the hot desert.
Good, but not great. How about:
He dashed across the hot desert.
He scurried across the hot desert.
How do you know so many different words that mean the same thing, Mr. Butt?
Have you ever heard of a thesaurus?
Sure, it’s a big lizard with a spiky tail.
That's a stegosaurus. A thesaurus is a list of synonyms. You know what a synonym is?
Yes, I like to put it on my buttered toast. I love synonym.
That’s cinnamon. A synonym is a word that is close in meaning to another word. Dash and scurry are synonyms of the verb run. A thesaurus can help you pick just the right word. It's a valuable tool to put in your Scary Good Writing toolbox. Now let's hear how you changed number 3.
“I want my mommy,” Howard Jr. whined.
Simple, but effective. How about the boy laughed noisily at his sister's shoes? What action verb did you use to replace laughed noisily?
The boy cackled at his sister's silly shoes.
Nicely done. And the final sentence?
Walter Walrus bellowed into the water.
Bellowed into the water?
Bellowing is loud, isn't it?
Yes, bellowing is loud, but it doesn't show a walrus entering water loudly.
I see. So, how about: Walter Walrus splashed into the water?
Very good. Remember, Bonefish, use adverbs ending in –ly sparingly. An action verb that conveys the same meaning as a verb/adverb ending in -ly combination is almost always better writing. Using unnecessary adverbs is another enemy of Scary Good Writing. Don't use them.
Yes, I like to put it on my buttered toast. I love synonym.
That’s cinnamon. A synonym is a word that is close in meaning to another word. Dash and scurry are synonyms of the verb run. A thesaurus can help you pick just the right word. It's a valuable tool to put in your Scary Good Writing toolbox. Now let's hear how you changed number 3.
“I want my mommy,” Howard Jr. whined.
Simple, but effective. How about the boy laughed noisily at his sister's shoes? What action verb did you use to replace laughed noisily?
The boy cackled at his sister's silly shoes.
Nicely done. And the final sentence?
Walter Walrus bellowed into the water.
Bellowed into the water?
Bellowing is loud, isn't it?
Yes, bellowing is loud, but it doesn't show a walrus entering water loudly.
I see. So, how about: Walter Walrus splashed into the water?
Very good. Remember, Bonefish, use adverbs ending in –ly sparingly. An action verb that conveys the same meaning as a verb/adverb ending in -ly combination is almost always better writing. Using unnecessary adverbs is another enemy of Scary Good Writing. Don't use them.
Hey, Mr. Butt, did you forget about those Noisy-Know-Nothings in that story? You are gonna give me a lesson on those, aren’t you?
Of course, I am. You need to learn how to use sound effects properly to make your writing scary good. Here’s how. Say you have this sentence:
Swish. It went through the net.
That's a Noisy-Know-Nothing because you don't know what went through the net.
Correct, Bonefish. Now, a good fix would be:
Swish. The basketball dropped through the net.
But a better fix would be:
The basketball swished through the net.
You put the sound effect as a verb.
Exactly. That's onomatopoeia. When you want the reader to hear an action, use a verb that sounds like what it is, if you can. It tightens the writing and makes it scary good. It's your turn now, Bonefish.
Of course, I am. You need to learn how to use sound effects properly to make your writing scary good. Here’s how. Say you have this sentence:
Swish. It went through the net.
That's a Noisy-Know-Nothing because you don't know what went through the net.
Correct, Bonefish. Now, a good fix would be:
Swish. The basketball dropped through the net.
But a better fix would be:
The basketball swished through the net.
You put the sound effect as a verb.
Exactly. That's onomatopoeia. When you want the reader to hear an action, use a verb that sounds like what it is, if you can. It tightens the writing and makes it scary good. It's your turn now, Bonefish.
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Lesson Review
All done, Mr. Butt.
Then let’s hear your answers. What did you put for the first sentence?
A gun banged and I ducked under a table.
Good. You changed the noisy-know-nothing “bang” into an action verb and identified what made the sound. How did you fix:
Meow. My pet brushed against my leg.
My pet cat meowed and brushed against my leg.
First rate. You identified the pet as a cat so we know what is doing the meowing. Then you used the sound effect meow more effectively as an action verb. Good job. Next?
I crunched the crunchy potato chip.
Why did you write two crunches?
Because they were extra crunchy chips.
Bonefish, you can either use the verb crunch or the adjective crunchy. You don’t need both. What did you get for number four:
Smack! I hit it over the fence.
I smacked the ball over the fence.
First rate. You made an action verb out of smack replacing hit. You’re getting better at this, Bonefish. So, what’s your final answer to: Clickety clack. It clattered down the bumpy street.
The rickety car clickety-clacked down the bumpy street.
That works. Getting rid of the Noisy-Know-Nothing and keeping the verb clattered also works. You see, there can be more than one way to effectively use sound effects in your writing. Keep practicing. Someday you may become a great author.
You really think so?
Stranger things have happened. Although for the life of me I can’t think of any at the moment. Let's move on to the next lesson, Bonefish.
Then let’s hear your answers. What did you put for the first sentence?
A gun banged and I ducked under a table.
Good. You changed the noisy-know-nothing “bang” into an action verb and identified what made the sound. How did you fix:
Meow. My pet brushed against my leg.
My pet cat meowed and brushed against my leg.
First rate. You identified the pet as a cat so we know what is doing the meowing. Then you used the sound effect meow more effectively as an action verb. Good job. Next?
I crunched the crunchy potato chip.
Why did you write two crunches?
Because they were extra crunchy chips.
Bonefish, you can either use the verb crunch or the adjective crunchy. You don’t need both. What did you get for number four:
Smack! I hit it over the fence.
I smacked the ball over the fence.
First rate. You made an action verb out of smack replacing hit. You’re getting better at this, Bonefish. So, what’s your final answer to: Clickety clack. It clattered down the bumpy street.
The rickety car clickety-clacked down the bumpy street.
That works. Getting rid of the Noisy-Know-Nothing and keeping the verb clattered also works. You see, there can be more than one way to effectively use sound effects in your writing. Keep practicing. Someday you may become a great author.
You really think so?
Stranger things have happened. Although for the life of me I can’t think of any at the moment. Let's move on to the next lesson, Bonefish.
Bonefish Burrows, Author
